Five hours is a long time to sit silently and ponder. It’s just enough time so that you are guaranteed to be both hungry and losing the appeal of driving within a single day. Additionally, one might contemplate long enough to have some lifestyle breakthroughs.
Today’s drive to Connecticut in the AM and back to New York in the late PM helped me understand that past focuses aren’t satisfying neither my desires as a developer nor as a human being. Time now past would find me flinging to an extreme position or direction to take life, but that amount of shifting doesn’t feel necessary anymore. On the contrary, the major recurrence in thought throughout the day was balance.
I’ve never been good at balance, but its usefulness is growing on me. Waking up this morning brought me into a state of being wound to the point of snapping. A sense of cosmic scales tipping off center weighed heavily on my morning routine. It took two and a half hours locked inside a Chevy thought cage to slowly release the tension placed on my life.
Long story short, I simply cannot focus on business-centric development full time. I can do it as my primary source of income, but on my own time I cannot be working on similar projects. The work is monotonous and provides very little motivation to better oneself.
My solution to this newly understood problem is straight forward, its time once again to continue game development.
